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The Truth About Marriage

I remember how it felt when Tasha and I fell in love. Like many couples in a new relationship, we loved being together every chance we could, and daydreamed about seeing each other when we couldn’t. It was easy to think, “We’ll always feel this way!”

But relationships are like the weather; they change. Some seasons are filled with excitement and warmth, while others seem cold or mundane. How we manage those seasons determines whether our marriage grows bitter or becomes better.

The scriptures talk about season in our life. Oftentimes we don't

  • 4 Seasons in the Bible. “As long as the earth endures, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night will never cease.”

  • For Everything There is a Season. The writer of Ecclesiastes tells us that God appointed a time and “ a season for every activity under heaven.”

  • Biblical Seasons of Life. God created nature’s seasonal changes for His good purpose, and He uses spiritual seasons in the same way.

  • Understanding Times and Seasons. We are to take each season that comes, strong in the realization that God’s timing is perfect. ...

  • Embracing the Seasons of Life. Each season brings opportunities to grow in our faith, set and redefine goals, and seek His purpose in our lives.

The four seasons can bring out the best and the worst in a couple:

  • Spring – The relationship feels new and exciting. Couples are attracted to each other and want to spend time together. It’s also a season where a couple is sowing seeds for what the relationship will look like in years to come.

  • Summer – The relationship heats up. Feelings are strong, and couples reveal more of who they are. It’s also a time where they begin experiencing emotional, physical, and spiritual intimacy.

  • Fall – This is a time for practicing vulnerability, learning how to handle conflict, and improving communication. As leaves change from green to orange to yellow, fall reveals the true colors of a person’s character. It’s here where people come face to face with their spouse’s faults and quirks.

  • Winter – The warm feelings of other seasons have cooled, and the chill of normalcy settles in. It can be a time when peoples’ roots grow deep, or where spouses build walls of resentment and apathy toward each other.

While every marriage will experience the four seasons, they don’t happen in chronological order like seasons on the calendar. It’s possible for seasons to overlap at times. Some last for months, and others for a few years. Each season is an opportunity to grow as a couple.

For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother, be united to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.”

That verse, Genesis 2:24, is usually referred to in the context of marriage. We want to point out this actually begins as an observation about parenting. The verse declares that a man will leave his father and mother. It assumes that our children will leave home as adults, not as children who must then set out on a journey to become grownups on their own.

The verse communicates that adults build healthy relationships by separating from people when it’s healthy and appropriate to do so and by bonding to others for the same reason. That’s the essence of God’s “leaving and cleaving” design.

That’s why it’s important for we parents to understand that our relationship with our children must radically change once they enter the adult world. We have to cut the tether. In fact, the word translated as leave in Genesis 2:24 comes from a Hebrew word that actually means “to forsake.”

The good news is, detaching from a parent-child relationship opens the door for something equally as meaningful: an adult-adult relationship.

When Tasha and I came together, although we knew we were different and even thought that we were on the same road, we were both thinking, “Wow, we are nothing alike!” And we were wondering, “Are we going to be okay?” At some point, every couple recognizes their differences, and something strange happens when they do: The whole idea of “two becoming one” gets turned into, “My spouse should become more like me.”

When as authors of Uncover Your Possibilities we realized how different the two of us were, we had a revelation. Instead of resisting our differences at every turn, we decided to uphold and treat each other with the same grace that Christ would extend to us. And grace is what “becoming one” is all about. No couple knows ahead of time what “in sickness and in health” means until one of you actually gets sick. You won’t know what “for better or for worse” means until your spouse does something unlovable, and you choose to stay committed to your marriage anyway.

To become one flesh, embrace your mate’s differences, rather than fight against them. Healthy marriage is about discerning which hills are worth dying on and which ones are worthy of compromise.

A central focus of Jesus' teachings and the gospel message is to be reborn as a believer in Christ and a child of God. While the phrase "die to self" is actually not explicitly found in scripture, it is closely related to the idea of being born again and devotion of faith. The closest thing found in the Bible is where Paul writes, “our old self was crucified” (Romans 6:6). Dying to yourself means to forego the selfish, physical, and egotistical desires of this world and wholeheartedly seek the kingdom of God.

"Jesus answered him, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God.” (John 3:3)

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." (2 Corinthians 5:17)

If you’re not willing to deny yourself you can’t be a Christian. You must love Christ more than your mom, dad, and you must love him more than your own life. You must be willing to die for Christ. It is either you are slaves to sin or you are a slave to Christ. Accepting Christ will cost you an easy life.

You must deny yourself and take up the cross daily. You must trust in the Lord in the hardest situations. You must discipline yourself and say no to the world. Your life must be all about Christ.

Even if you are persecuted, have failures, you feel lonely, etc. You must continue to follow Christ. Most people who call themselves Christians will one day hear depart from me I never knew you and they will burn in all hell for all eternity.

If you love your life, love your sins, love the world, and don’t want to change you cannot be his disciple. God will not listen to the excuses that some people make such as God knows my heart.

Someone that wants to keep his life and still lives a continuous lifestyle of sin is not a Christian. That person is not a new creation and is just another false convert. You can’t even breath apart from him, it’s not about your best life now. The Christian life is hard.

You will go through trials, but the trials are building you in Christ. Your life is not for you it’s always been for Christ. He died for you even though you didn’t deserve it. Everything that you have is for Christ. All the good comes from him and the bad from you.

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